Hangover

The gray walls around me now,
crumbling away like a sandbar,
against the ocean tides,
in the shadows,
gathering against the window
pane, last night's revelry
upon a bar stool, staring fixedly
into the golden draught, trapped
in the cracked glass, contemplating cold
comfort through a pinhole in the
mind, as the afterglow buzzes along
like a hot, hazy summer day,
the slippery smiles of the
nameless wonders around me
evaporate, escaping into the
stratosphere, turning away to
far-flung desires, unfulfilled
like a hangover in the morning
sun.

Birth

Stroll along, my dear lady
through the dark city,
over the cracked old streets,
and sidewalks strewn with
cobblestone dreams, in the
stained glass windows, pretty
faces gaze out upon the
masses, gravely watchful,
piercing blue eyes, following
every step, as her delicate hands
busily tracing the tender flowers,
dried in the summer sun, down the lane,
a lustful illusion of divine whore,
spreading her wings across the sidewalk
marketplace, ferrying lost souls to
a lush hereafter with bottle of
moonshine and a kiss, liquor on her
breath, sending
away the doldrums with a
wink and a smile,
just in time for the evening storms
to wash away the cobwebs, sweet tendrils
hanging about the mind,
now a prison of imagination,
gracefully strolling along,
on the broken streets,
till the city swallows her
whole.

Colors of God

The green of the deep forest,
blue of the darkest sky,
and the deep orange of a dying fire,
these visions come in the black
of night, when the yellow moon
shines through skeletal finger-like
clouds, as if grasping for something
more, madly, desperately,
waiting
for the thunder to reign, and white
lightning to crash upon the heads of the
holy, enlightened only by hollow words,
greyed around the edges of red lips,
sold on the cheap, for the touch of
ruddy-pink skin, all for a taste
of forbidden fruit,
seen down the kaleidoscope of humanity,
all the colors of god,
we have yet to see.

Aug. 14th

"To do no harm."

That's been the motto for the life model I've tried emulate for the majority of my soon-to-be 36 years on this tiny planet. It's a model that makes sense; take what you can get without harming others, take care of family, friends and lovers as best you can, and depart this plane of existence in the karmic black, because positive credit likely makes for an easier transition on the other side.

For the most part I have succeeded in living this way, but I am not perfect. There have been many times when I have failed miserably as a family member, friend, and lover. I take all of these failures to heart, and try my damnedest to learn from them so I don't keep repeating the same mistakes. In this arena I have also failed quite often.

I can only hope that the people I have mistreated in the course of events can look at the whole of our family/friendship/relationship and see that I have tried to be a decent and caring person and will somehow forgive my transgressions.

What's all this rambling about you say? Well I recently heard from some friends who know, that I have been written about on a certain blog in a negative fashion. I'll just say it; this person happens to be an ex-girlfriend, and despite everything, someone that I still care very much for. I've heard that she claims that I have ruined part of her life, that I caused her to become alienated from shared friends, and that she is still angry about how things between us turned out.

I didn't know she had a blog before finding out, and I don't intend to read it now that I know. I'm not angry about the blog more than I am sad that anything that happened between us is still an issue. From what I've heard, she is quite happy with the new life that she shares with her boyfriend - and I say cheers to that! Everyone deserves to be happy, and there's not many more deserving than her. I guess I'm just confused how I am responsible for the dwindling of her pool of friends.

I can alienate just about anyone, I talk smack, I live life pretty much the way I want to, and I have a darker side that shouldn't be revealed to many - but I've never asked anyone to take sides in my favor. Nobody I've talked to amongst our shared friends has ever said anything negative about her to my knowledge, and still maintains friendships with her - as it should be. "Do no harm" - that's the motto I've tried to remember - especially with the breaking of a relationship.

"Do no harm" also applies to yourself. The self-inflicted emotional damage one can do to you by holding onto anger from the past is simply not worth it in my mind. I sincerely hope that she will be able move beyond these angry feelings towards me, and other friends that have been affected. Healing our relationship will likely never happen, but it'd be a shame if she let that stop her from healing the friendships that have been strained over the months. Forgive them, and forget about me - that's the only unsolicited advice I can give.

Life can offer the most glorious and greatest gifts, and still deliver the harshest and most painful lessons. All we can do while we're here is try to enjoy the best moments, make it through the bad ones, and at the end of the day - try to do no harm.

Summer Blues

On the edge of reason,
painted across the morning sky,
a leftover star, pining away,
burning itself out towards
the amber heavens, desperately
wishing to fall to earth, to land
in anothers arms,
while the summer blues reign,
lost in the doldrums of the harvest
moon, yet
the timing is still off-kilter,
and lovers below, cast desires
upward, towards the chaos of the
night sky, waiting for their own
wishes to come true, as the star
takes it all to heart,
burning away, to the sight of no-one,
as always a slave,
to the drumbeat of time.